I love songs that explain your feelings perfectly

I’ve been hit from every corner,
I’ve been thrown from side to side,
I’m cracked up on the inside, so I come to you for life,
Your presence always heals me, so I want to drink it in,
you know where we’re going God,
You know where I’ve been.
Your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning
your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
Your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning around.

Yesterday I felt so angry
Today so insecure
I hate it that I wrestle
the God that I adore
Your presence always heals me
so I want to drink it in
You know where we’re going God
You know where I’ve been.
And Your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning
your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
Your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning…..

And I know less about you
my heart loves you so much more
your my pride in sadness
your my brightness.

I wish this thing could pass from me
but I’m wanting what you want
so bring me high or bring me low
just hold me in your love

And Your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning
your love is like a rock
When I’m spinning
Your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning
your love is like a rock
when I’m spinning around.
~Charlie Hall, My Brightness

wowowa

not the biggest fan of curve balls.

beautifully intense

it has most definitely been an interesting few days. i haven’t really known what to write and i am not sure i do now, but figure i need to get some of my thoughts out. i had a scary day thursday. i had a medical emergency that has never happened before and i pray so hard never happens again. since then, my memory is foggy, my body is sore and i am tired. the memory thing is what scares me the most.

i have an appt this thursday to run some more tests so please pray the doctors find a reason for my seizure. i keep telling myself it’s because of stress. i really have no idea at this point. i know i have a lot on my plate, but i honestly don’t think it’s that much. not enough for a seizure to happen. so these thoughts leave my brain to wonder about what the other possibilities could be. and that’s scary.

i have moments of fear and then moments of comfort. i think about how it is all in His hands. what do i have to fear? I am His and He will take care of me how He sees best fit. He is so good that He is even able to turn our pain into joy. it’s almost exciting in a way to see where He will use this experience in my life. how can this be turned into a blessing for Him? i know that experiences like this help me to trust in Him more. it will be neat to see how else this will be used, if at all. that’s the thing, you may not even see if it has made an impact. it just all goes back to trusting in Him. trusting Him to work in your life the way only He knows how to.

life is beautifully intense.

McCain and Bono

i just got off the phone with the ONE campaign’s regional coordinator. he called to let me know that McCain, Palin and Bono all met the other day. McCain told Bono (who was one of the original founders of ONE) that the nh volunteers had made such a huge impression on him. how cool is that?? i have to give McCain props as well. he first greeted us with a bit of timidness- who are these people trying to talk to me about Africa, are they crazy nh people??- to starting to engage us in conversation when he saw us, to actually calling on us to speak in front of his audience about ONE at every town hall! no matter where we were, sitting down, standing in the back of the room- if we wore our ONE shirts he would give us a chance before anyone else to talk about ONE. so cool. from then on, at almost every town hall he was at or speech he was giving he would mention extreme poverty and the people raising awareness. his wife Cindy has actually gone to Rwanda. twice. she went during the genocide then literally 2 weeks before my church did in august.

it’s just so exciting and motivating to hear stories like this. to hear that the hard work you and others are doing is starting to make a difference. i hope this motivates you into putting your thoughts and passions into action. use your voice. it can make a difference. i am sure no other volunteer expected this type of response- a few people from nh making an impression on a presidential candidate. so don’t ever get discouraged and think that your single voice can’t make a difference. you never know what is happening in people’s heart beyond your scope of vision. God uses our passions for good, so get out there and do something! whatever it is you stand for! (totally being a cheerleader right now!)

p.s. my friends are talking about the best concert they have ever been to right now- weezer- and i am totally jealous!

pink hair

yesterday i added some spice in the color of pink to my black hair. i love it! i have been wanting to do this for a while now and i found out a salon in windham was putting in pink extensions to raise money for the cure of breast cancer. how rad is that?

sporting the do in my rockin cube

on another note, just another reason why my God is so good. a few days back i had written about how i need to not be affected by other people’s views or comments of me. that i am working for Him and Him alone. so as i struggle to be free from that, my daily devotional sends this to me:

Real servants don’t serve for the approval or applause of others. They live for an audience of One. As Paul said, “If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10 NIV).

how awesome. now i know some people hear God talking to them- i personally have never experienced that. i do feel this is His way cool way of conversing with me though. to reinforce my desire to serve only Him. to make my heart heal a little more from any negative comment that has injured it before. it gives me goose pimples to just think again of how in awe i am of Him. that He knows my heart was injured and wanted me to know it doesn’t have to be that way. that He is the only opinion i should seek. it creates this even more vast image in my mind of Him that i can’t fully comprehend. that He cares enough for little old me, that He would find a way to help me grow into a deeper relationship with Him.

awe. pure awe.

whhaaaat?

i never ever ever thought knitting would be so hard. and complicated. and hard. it’s ridiculous! i have a new respect for little ol’ ladies that knit their hearts out.

i can only hope the scarf that i started to make will be ready by winter. that would be useful. a scarf in winter. so wish me luck!

what a God

unfortunately i still don’t have news to share with you. the meeting with the elders went well- that’s all i got. there is no decision made, but that’s ok. i am really learning to put my worries and cares in God’s hands. God knows what my future holds. God only wants the best for me. so if i stay the course and work for Him and Him alone, i know everything will be ok.

that’s a hard thing to say. working for Him and Him alone. i thought i had that figured out until last week when i got tripped up from some negative comments. all i could think about was “what? how could this person think this about me?? don’t they see how hard i am working??” then it hit me- why am i so upset about one persons opinion? one person who can’t see my heart, one person who doesn’t know my mind, one person who doesn’t see me 24/7. the only being that can do this is God. God knows my heart, mind and soul. He knows if i am trying my best or slacking off. He knows if i am living for Him or living for others. so i decided to lay down this burden. to lay down the burden of living up to other people’s expectations. to lay down the burden of being concerned with what other people think. i know it will be hard, that i will still sometimes me saddened by negative comments, but i recognize this problem and i give it to God. that’s something that will forever blow my mind- here is my God, our God- so full of love that even when we turn from Him time after time, when we hurt, He hurts. He gave us His Son, to die on a cross, so we could lay our burdens down. to lay my insignifacant burdens down. what a God.

i won’t have any finger nails left….

today is a big day- i can’t wait to potentially (my new favorite word) share with you tomorrow some of the outcomes of todays meeting. cross your fingers and say a prayer!!

daily devotional

i susbscribe to Saddleback’s daily devotional (which i love) and wanted to share today’s with you- it caught my eye and grabbed my heart. imagine what the world would look like if all christians lived this way. amazing.

We Serve God by Serving Others
by Rick Warren

Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Mark 10:43 (MSG)

*** *** *** ***

We serve God by serving others.

The world defines greatness in terms of power, possessions, prestige, and position. If you can demand service from others, you’ve arrived. In our self-serving culture with its me-first mentality, acting like a servant is not a popular concept.

Jesus, however, measured greatness in terms of service, not status. God determines your greatness by how many people you serve, not how many people serve you.

This is so contrary to the world’s idea of greatness that we have a hard time understanding it, much less practicing it. The disciples argued about who deserved the most prominent position, and 2,000 years later, Christian leaders still jockey for position and prominence in churches, denominations, and parachurch ministries.

Thousands of books have been written on leadership, but few on servanthood. Everyone wants to lead; no one wants to be a servant. We would rather be generals than privates. Even Christians want to be “servant-leaders,” not just plain servants. But to be like Jesus is to be a servant. That’s what he called himself.

While knowing your shape is important for serving God, having the heart of a servant is even more important. Remember, God shaped you for service, not for self-centeredness. Without a servant’s heart, you will be tempted to misuse your shape for personal gain. You will also be tempted to use it as an excuse to exempt yourself from meeting some needs.

God often tests our hearts by asking us to serve in ways we’re not shaped. If you see a man fall into a ditch, God expects you to help him out, not say, “I don’t have the gift of mercy or service.”

While you may not be gifted a particular task, you may be called to do it if no one who is gifted at it is around. Your primary ministry should be in the area of your shape, but your secondary service is wherever you’re needed at the moment.

Your shape reveals your ministry, but your servant’s heart will reveal your maturity. No special talent or gift is required to stay after a meeting to pick up trash or stack chairs. Anyone can be a servant. All it requires is character.

It is possible to serve in church for a lifetime without ever being a servant. You must have a servant’s heart.

How can you know if you have the heart of a servant?

Jesus said, “You can tell what they are by what they do” (Matthew 7:16 CEV).

© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.

what i love

you know what i love? i love being forwarded links to websites that have the same goal and dreams i do. i was just given a link to saddleback’s orphan care initiative and i almost started to cry. i just keep thinking about the little boys and girls, covered in filth, begging for some money. i keep thinking about how they need so much more than that. they need stability, a home, clean water, some clothes, a loving family, an education, the knowledge that they are here for a reason, and not some mistake- everything most of us take for granted. imagine waking up each morning covered in dirt and not knowing where you will be getting your next meal or glass of water? imagine not knowing if a single person cares about your existence? i can’t. i can’t even fathom it. i can’t even stomach the idea that all around the world millions of kids are waking up to these thoughts.

i keep thinking about the children that came up to me and everything in me screamed to help them, give them money, feed them, love them, but how could i -who was just walking down the street- do that? if i just hand money over am i making the problem worse? am i creating a higher dependency for hand outs when they really need hand ups? so to answer the questions my heart is screaming to my head, i want to throw myself into work like child sponsorship programs and orphan care initiatives. things that will be sustainable and have a higher impact on a child’s life than me just handing money over. it would be easier for me to come home and forget what i saw. to forget the feelings i felt when i saw a hurting child, but i don’t want to. i want to be reminded daily of how i felt so i don’t lose focus on what is important in my world- His children.

so that is why i love being shown websites of other people dreaming big too. if they can dream big, so can i and so can you. if you dream big and give it up to God, i can’t even imagine the awesomeness that will come forth.